How Much is Too Much?

Last night I bounded cheerfully onto the sofa while my husband was watching the Canucks - Black Hawks game.  The following conversation ensued:

Me:  How much is too much underwear?
He:  Huh?
Me:  How many pairs of underwear should one person have?
He:  Whaddya mean?
Me:  I mean how much is too much?  How many pairs of underwear does one need?
He thinks for a minute and says with authority.
He:  Fourteen.
Me:  Fourteen pairs of underwear.
He (with a confident nod):  Fourteen.
Me:  You have twenty nine.
He looks incredulous and starts laughing.
Me:  You have twenty nine pairs of underwear.
He, laughing:  I do NOT!
Me:  You do so! I counted them today.  There was so many on the dryer that I decided to count all of your underwear to see how many you had.  You have twenty nine pairs.   I tell ya it killed me today not writing on Facebook "My husband has twenty nine pairs of underwear and I have ten."
He:  Well, I have some just for the gym and there's the ones I just wear to bed in the summer...you know, the plaid ones.
Me:  Oh!  I didn't count those ones.  I didn't see the boxers.  You've got about four pair of those, so that makes thirty three....thirty four if you count the pair you're wearing.
He: Did you count the two new pair I bought today?
Me after closing gaping mouth:  You did NOT!
He:  I did!  I couldn't find any today so I bought a couple.
Me:  Couldn't find any??!!!   Did you not look in your drawer????  There's a tonne in there.  I'm sure you've still got some from Huntsville*.  Those blue Y-fronts that you probably bought at Bi-Way.
He, laughing: Yeah, I did.  I threw them out tonight.
Me:  Huh.  That makes me feel kinda sad.
He smiles.
Me:  I bet you have 100 pairs of socks too, no exaggeration.  I am quite confident in saying you have at least 100 pairs of socks.
He:  I do not!
But the sheepish look on his face says that after the underwear count, he thinks it just might be true.
He:  Some of them have sentimental value!  There's the pair Kirk and Lesley** gave me for Christmas.
Me:  Kirk and Lesley gave you a Christmas present?
He:  You got one too...remember when we were in White Rock that year?
Me: Oh yeah.  Well Kirk and Lesley didn't give you your underwear.  Why don't you get rid of a few of the rattier ones?
His eyes are on the hockey game.
Me:  Tomorrow I'm going to pile them up on your dresser and take a picture of all of them.  Seriously.  I am.  And then I'm going to post about it on my blog.
He's pretending not to listen.
Me:  ...can I?  Please?
He, eyes still on the screen:  Ok, but I want an accurate count this time.

thirty four thirty nine-ish





Post script via the email my husband sent me after he read the blog post:

I forgot to mention that there are 2 pairs of travel underwear in the
drawer as well. I also have a few pairs that are a little small that I
am keeping to wear when I have lost 10 pounds, you know, like women who
keep their jeans from high school or university or from before having
kids.

_____________________________________
*We lived in Huntsville, Ontario from 1986 to 1990.
** Best ever Vancouver Canuck goalie Kirk McLean and the awesome woman that was his wife.



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