Cat Nap

This is Oliver our rescue kitty, doing his favourite thing. Today it was also my favourite thing and I slept the entire afternoon away. I think it was a combination of it being day three of the caffeine wean,  and the fact that I'm feeling a bit stressed with all projects, ideas, and attempts to help the people around me.  This thought also came up as the result of a dream I had this morning.  I was sitting in the front of a plane that was nosediving into the ocean. I saw the water rising along the windows and I turned to my husband and said "We're going to drown." Everyone around me seem surprisingly calm however.  Then someone stood up and opened a small hatch in the ceiling, and just as people rose to join him,  and I wondered how we would all get out in time,  I woke up with a start.  I'm sure you know that feeling of relief when you realize it was only a dream.

Being Jungian at heart, I knew my subconscious was trying to tell me I've taken on a bit to much for my own good, that I was metaphorically going to drown in my responsibilities.  Don't get me wrong, these are things that are fun and creative, helpful to others and encouraging to my personal grown, but the problem is I'm trying to do too much at the same time.  And on top of that there are responsibilities of a home manager, a wife and a mother and a daughter.  And there is even the guilt that comes with the fact that I'm complaining about such trivial stressors. Bourgeois complaints I heard someone on CBC call them.   I'm not in Afghanistan being afraid of being blown up by a IED.  I'm not in Africa wondering who's going to look after my children when I die of AIDS.  I'm not living on the street in Kelowna, panhandling on Bernard Avenue, spending my nights wherever I can find shelter, until some security guard moves me along.  I'm pretty lucky to be living a life where I have a comfortable roof over my head, medication covered by my husband's drug plan for my chronic disease, healthy children and loving friends and family.  I am very grateful for my life's privileges.

Yet it's been a struggle for me for a while and I've been trying to tackle it logically; making lists, colour coded spreadsheets, time tables - I'm a Virgo, what can I say.  It's helped a bit, but even as I delete things from the spread sheet and re prioritize, I seem to be adding things too.  I really think it's time to take a few things off the list all together.   Wish me luck!